Dirty Inbred Bastards!!!
What is Dirty Inbred Bastards? It was a term we used to refer to ourselves; Beattie, Aodhán, Steve, and I. Somewhere along the line, I made a comic strip about a zany, dysfunctional band with the same name, composed of crude caricatures of ourselves.
HEY LOOK OUT: Is made up almost entirely of in-jokes and stuff that will only make sense to about five people.
The phrase started pretty simply. Beattie and Steve were watching Evil Dead II, and the hillbilly comes out of the house shouting for his dead girlfriend, and Steve blurted out "dirty inbred bastard!!". True story.
Beattie was visiting, and Steve was off some place. We were bored out of our minds, and had to resort to MS Paint to draw stupid things. I drew amusing caricatures of some friends, and then it came to draw Beattie, I drew him with sunglasses, a guitar, and an over exaggerated grin. He lol'd, and then suggested the idea of putting the rest of us in there, with instruments. And so I drew a googly-eyed version of myself on drums, made Aodhán a giant mass of hair with sunglasses and a microphone, and Steve as some angry guy in a purple jumpsuit on bass (although a few hours later I changed it so he was an angry Pac-Man), and on the 26th of June 2004, a legendary comic was born.
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Beattie |
Beattie is the main man of the crew, always up to date on what's hot or not, scheming plans, or generally getting plots into effect for each issue. He also seems to be the only one who actually thinks about the band, considering everyone else is too busy getting sick, killed, or pulling silly faces. APPEARANCES: Issues 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, Steve Edition, and Beattie Portrait. |
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Aodhán is the second-in-command, and stores just about everything in his hair, whether it be the instruments, dynamite, diet advice, the cure to cancer, a robot, or a sex-change operation. And with a power like that, his purpose is little more than spouting his catchphrase and plucking a solution out of his hair. APPEARANCES: Issues 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, and 10. |
Aodhán |
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Steve |
Steve is the obligatory big guy, and seems to get the band into more trouble than anything. I mean, one time he eats one of the other band members, another time he gets killed by a violent audience member, and then he gets sick twice. He's only lucky nobody has gotten mad with him and replaced him with Nicholas. APPEARANCES: Issues 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, Steve Edition, and Steve Portrait. |
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Mark doesn't really do much. He just kinda sits there and pulls amusing faces. I mean, he wasn't even needed for one issue, and a stand-in was in his place. That's how important he is. He's also the only one to not use his arms. APPEARANCES: Issues 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, and Mark Portrait. |
Mark |
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The Penguin |
The Penguin is the only audience member during the band's unintentional gig in the Antarctic, and feels the need to state his species to the band. The Penguin has no relation to Stand-in for Mark. APPEARANCES: Issue 2. |
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STEVE-91101-00.2 is a robotic version of Steve, and a force to be reckoned with. Simply being activated starts his objectives to destroy the world via firing rockets at numerous locations, and devoured the survivors. Ouch. APPEARANCES: Issue 3. |
STEVE-91101-00.2 |
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Ex-secretary |
Ex-secretary is one of the many victims of Aodhán's cure to cancer to those that did not have it. He expressed disappointment over receiving the disease, and was forced to quit his job as a secretary to become a trucker, to fit the typical trucker stereotype. APPEARANCES: Issue 5. |
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Stand-in for Mark appeared once to do his simple job, to be a stand-in for Mark. He was actually meant to do his job in more issues, but a change of plan wrote him off quickly. Shame. APPEARANCES: Issue 8. |
Stand-in for Mark |
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Cop |
Cop and his twin partner busted into issue 9 to arrest/kill the band after Beattie suggested they do drugs to "improve their skills as awesome people". Off duty, Cop likes crosswords and hip hop music. APPEARANCES: Issue 9. |
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The Police Chief also doubles as the prison warden, and just like Cop, has a dislike of the band and their zany antics, and always like the chance to whack them upside the head with his baton. APPEARANCES: Issue 10. |
The Police Chief |
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Vampire |
Vampire battled Beattie in a fight of epic proportions, but he was defeated by Beattie's Christ-powered cross. APPEARANCES: Beattie Portrait. |
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Pie-wielding Child is the ultimate in evil against the band. His giant and delicious pie was actually a death device that could obliterate the world, and everything around it. Luckily, Steve sacrificed himself and ate both the child and the pie, and thanks to lack of continuity, he lived to completely forget the events. APPEARANCES: Steve Portrait, and behind the scenes of every other issue. |
Pie-wielding Child |
ISSUE 1
Here's what started it all. Beattie's wild grin and pink guitar, Mark's drums strapped to his waist, Steve's voice-activated guitar, and Aodhán's wonky glasses; it's no wonder it went so far. Note how Aodhán lacks a title. He looks like that in real life.
[26 June 2004]
ISSUE 2
And the first real issue, where the band has to start their gig soon, but their instruments are missing. This is the last we'll see of the band's instruments, as they are never seen in any other issues at all. Look at how sloppy the characters look! Beattie's hair is a frazzled mess, Aodhán is a scribble, and Mark has glasses. The only decent-looking one is Steve who eats Mark's rapidly-deforming self in the last panel.
[26 June 2004]
ISSUE 3
Steve sings a song by John Denver at a circus, but is exploded by an angry audience member. Everyone now looks even worse, and there's no penguin to make up for the sloppy art this time. Note how Beattie's text is bold in his first word bubble, but also how he says "brilliant", instead of a more fitting "rockin'", "awesome", or even "bossanova".
[26 June 2004]
ISSUE 4
Beattie gets cancer, but Steve's quick response with violence cures a little of it. How will the band solve this controversial dilemma?
The art picks up around here (which isn't saying much), and this is the last time we see Mark with glasses, but Beattie starts swearing more often. This is also the only time Steve uses his arms.
[26 June 2004]
ISSUE 5 (cancer special)
And Aodhán saves the world the only way he can.
I think this episode was original supposed to be more special, but I honestly can't remember. Exclamation marks.
[26 June 2004]
ISSUE 6
Beattie gets a disturbing flatulence problem. Nothing new.
Again, no commentary, but I find the stack of diet books and videos hilarious, as it looks like a comically huge joint.
[26 June 2006]
ISSUE 7
Steve is sick, and Beattie kills him.
Based on a real event.
[30 July 2004]
ISSUE 8
Steve is sick, and is given some disturbing treatment.
This is the first and only appearance of Stand-in for Mark, but he was once to stay longer. See, I had gotten sick of having myself there, considering I contributed nothing to anything, other than pulling amusing faces, and I planned to kill Mark off in the next issue.
However, thinking over it, this would prove pointless, as Stand-in for Mark also had no personality, and also contributed nothing to anything, and all he did was look cute, so I scrapped the idea.
[30 July 2004]
ISSUE 9
Beattie recommends the group do drugs to be a better band, but after busted by Cop and his twin partner.
For those who can't tell what happened, Beattie was clubbed with a baton, Steve was bombed by a helicopter, Aodhán was shot in the face, and Mark was run over.
[26 August 2004]
ISSUE 10
The group try to escape from their prison, but are foiled by The Police Chief.
After four months with no new comic, this was made, and was the last "real" comic. The art is at it's best here, and a new font was used.
[18 January 2005]
BEATTIE PORTRAIT
Beattie fights a Vampire.
This was originally an entirely unrelated image, with just a regular stickman fighting the Vampire, but Steve and Beattie suggested making it into Beattie, and that it was.
[6 July 2004]
MARK PORTRAIT
Mark pulls more stupid expressions.
Not much to say.
[6 July 2004]
STEVE PORTRAIT
Steve eats the evil pie-wielding child.
Image found using Google's image search.
[6 July 2004]
STEVE EDITION
Steve made this unofficial entry into the series, with a continuation of Issue 7.
[26 August 2004]
D.I.B.S REVAMPED
And here's more true to reality versions of the Dirty Inbred Bastards, with "I'm not all hair" Aodhán, "not much different" Mark, "what does this giant upper lip have to do with my real appearance" Beattie, and two versions of Steve, one with a top hat and one without.
[October 2004]
D.I.B.S HUMAN'D
Here's Beattie and Steve, now a bizarre mix of their real selves and comic versions. Weirdy.
[August 2004]
D.I.B.S REUNION
These were meant to be part of a wallpaper, but I never got around to making it. Shame, as I like the art, and Steve looks pretty cool like that.
[August 2005]
Will Dirty Inbred Bastards ever continue? Unlikely. We all rarely see each other now, or even talk to each other much, and without that kind of interaction, there's little point in continuing. [BLATANT LIE]
But the Dirty Inbred Bastards will always rock on in our hearts.
Rock over London.
Rock on Chicago.
Wheaties, breakfast of champions.
